Loaches

"The lab was eerily quiet - merely the lub-lub-lub sounds of the pumps on the far wall. We followed the coils of tubing, filled with orangish goo, bubbling into the armorplast tanks, towering above us. Under the tanks, we found the controls that would open the valves - we also found the explosives and the countdown timer with four second left! BOOSH! It wasn't a big explosion, but it was enough to crack open the seal on a 100 kiloliter tank! Orange goo and writhing blobs gushed forth. The blobs had eyes - and claws!!"

Take the DNA of a roach, and the DNA of a lobster, splice in a little canine for size and strength and what do you have? You have a Lobster-Roach - a Loach*. 

Loaches vary wildly in appearance. The Common Loach, if there is such a thing, is about 24 inches (60 cm), color varies from ruddy brown to light orange. Its main distinguishing feature are its claws, it has two in front, as would be typical of a lobster, but in place of a tail it has a third, sometimes larger, claw. The head of the creature has both eye stalks and compound eyes, from its mixed DNA heritage. The eyes grant limited range infrared vision, but vision is poor overall.

Loaches are amphibious and found in nearly any environment, except, perhaps, the most extreme. They are found in oceans, on land, in swamps, brackish lakes and in jungles and forests, above and below ground. They do prefer wetter environments. There have been encounters with loaches in cold water and high volcanic plains.

Loaches are predatory, feeding on smaller animals and insects and they are carrion feeders. Loaches are voracious eaters, feeding in environments until there is nothing left but bare plant life. In extremis, loaches will feed on other loaches. Loaches are quite aggressive, attacking anything they feel might be a threat or food. They are less aggressive in brighter light and more aggressive in total darkness. 

Loaches can be found in many sizes and colors on a great many planets. They also seem to easily mutate and evolve. No one is sure where they originated or if they were even a natural mutation. (A recently rediscovered, 3rd party expansion kit for the child's toy, My First CRSPR, listed a project to spice together what was called a "Roach-Shrimp" - but these were only a few millimeters long, best viewed under heavy magnification. The magnifying scope was sold separately and was a costly additional expansion to the toy.)

On some planets, loaches are harvested, even cultured, for agricultural and other products. The claw meat is quite pleasant, especially when poached with butter and citrus peel. Certain loaches have one of their claws removed and are returned to their environment, where they are harvested from again and again for decades. Loach roe, or eggs, are collected and used in recipes or eaten raw. Entire boutiques are filled with fancy jars of loach roe and pickled meats. The center dorsal shell is often quite thick, hard and frequently iridescent, it has been fashioned into tools and jewelry for hundreds of years. Larger loach claws may have pseudo-teeth, these are used by the animal for attack or for ripping flesh before it's consumed, but the teeth can also be harvested and used as dental implants for many species.

Common Loach: Appearing d6; Init -1; Atk claw +2 melee (1d6); AC 12; HD 2d4; MV 30’; Act 2d20, 1d16; SP infravision 30’; SV Fort -1, Ref +0, Will -1; AL C.

The Common Loach will be found, with minor variations in size and color, in most environments and on most planets. However, below is a table of suggested variants to the loach. These may be found by themselves or among other loaches. (You should feel free to further vary, mutate and utterly mess with the template to fit your next adventure.)  

To randomly determine if any of the following variants are found in an encounter with Loach, roll a d3, on a result of 1, roll d24 and consult the list below...

1. Spitting Loach: This one squirts! It will aim a jet of organic acid at the eyes on their victim. This acid is fairly diluted but can temporarily blind, it will also bleach cloth if not immediately removed.
   Appearing d3; Init -1; Atk claw +2 melee (1d6), acid jet -3 missile fire (blindness for d4 rounds, Fort save, DC 14, for half, may attack with jet or claws, not both in same round, Act 1d20); AC 12; HD 2d4; MV 30’; Act 2d20, 1d16; SP infravision 30’; SV Fort -1, Ref +0, Will -1; AL C.
2. Venom Loach: Another squirter! Uses a jet of gooey contact poison to stun its prey. It smells like - strawberries??
   Appearing d3; Init -1; Atk claw +2 melee (1d6), goo jet -3 missile fire (stun for d5 rounds, Fort save, DC 14, for half, may attack with jet or claws, not both in same round, Act 1d20); AC 12; HD 2d4; MV 30’; Act 2d20, 1d16; SP infravision 30’; SV Fort -1, Ref +0, Will -1; AL C.
3. Quadra Loach: The tail of this Loach has split, it now has two claws there instead of just one. These are prized but farmers and hunters for the extra claw meat.
   Appearing d4; Init -1; Atk claw +2 melee (1d6); AC 12; HD 2d4; MV 30’; Act 2d20, 2d16; SP infravision 30’; SV Fort -1, Ref +0, Will -1; AL C.
4. Hexa Loach: As with the Quadra Loach, the tail of this specimen has split into two claws. But this Loach also has an extra pair of fore claws. It's a pinching machine!
   Appearing d3; Init -1; Atk claw +2 melee (1d6); AC 12; HD 2d4; MV 30’; Act 2d24, 2d20, 2d16; SP infravision 30’; SV Fort -1, Ref +0, Will -1; AL C.
5. Clawful Loach: While Loach Farmers might want them to produce as much claw meat as possible, this mutation prevents these aggressive critters from really being able to defend themselves.
   Appearing 1; Init -1; Atk claw -1 melee (1d6); AC 12; HD 2d4; MV 30’; Act (roll d12 to determine the number of claws)d12; SP infravision 30’; SV Fort -1, Ref +0, Will -1; AL C.
6. Boom Loach: The diet of many Loaches results in the build up of various gasses. Loaches can, at will, move gases from their digestive tract to either their swim bladders or expel it from their mouth harmlessly. This particular Loach, however, didn't realize it had filled its bladders with methane. It is in every way like the Common Loach, however, the first time it loses even a single hit point of damage, it will explode, doing 2d6 damage to everything in a ten foot radius. A Ref save, DC 15, will allow a save for half damage. 
   
7. Kaboom Loach: Just as the Boom Loach, this particular Loach has shifted gas to its over inflated swim bladders - but this is hydrogen gas. (What did it eat??) The first time it loses even a single hit point of damage, it will explode, doing 4d6 damage to everything in a ten foot radius. A Ref save, DC 17, will allow a save for half damage. 
8. Spiny Loach: These Loach have long, thick spines along their backs. This not only makes them harder to damage in combat, but stepping or falling on one, and failing a Ref save at DC 15, will cause 1d8 damage. Unscrupulous individuals may place these unsuspecting animals into pits or other devious traps.
   Appearing d8; Init -1; Atk claw +2 melee (1d6); AC 14; HD 2d4; MV 30’; Act 2d20, 1d16; SP infravision 30’; SV Fort -1, Ref +0, Will -1; AL C.
9. Spiky Loach: As the Spiny Loach above, but these Loach have an even tougher shell. They can also cause more damage to anyone that steps or falls on them: 2d8. (The same Ref save applies, at DC 16)
   Appearing d6; Init -1; Atk claw +2 melee (1d6); AC 16; HD 3d4; MV 30’; Act 2d20, 1d16; SP infravision 30’; SV Fort -1, Ref +0, Will -1; AL C.
10. Large Loach: Bigger than the average Loach. This one would make a dinner for two!
    Appearing d4; Init -1; Atk claw +2 melee (2d6); AC 14; HD 2d5; MV 30’; Act 2d20, 1d16; SP infravision 30’; SV Fort -1, Ref +0, Will -1; AL C.
11. Huge Loach: This one is dinner for three!
    Appearing d3; Init +0; Atk claw +2 melee (2d8); AC 15; HD 2d6; MV 30’; Act 2d20, 1d16; SP infravision 30’; SV Fort -1, Ref +0, Will -1; AL C.
12. Giant Loach: Oh For Pete's Sake!!!
    Appearing d3; Init +1; Atk claw +3 melee (2d10); AC 16; HD 2d8; MV 30’; Act 2d20, 1d16; SP infravision 30’; SV Fort -1, Ref +0, Will -1; AL C.
13. Drop Loach: These Loach are smaller than the Common Loach. They are typically found in forests, but also sometimes cling to cavern and even building ceilings. Their hunting tactic is to drop from above their prey on to shoulders, heads and backs. 
    Appearing 2d6; Init +1; Atk claw +2 melee (1d4); AC 12; HD 2d3; MV 40’; Act 2d20, 1d16; SP infravision 30’; SV Fort -1, Ref +0, Will -1; AL C.
14. Stench Loach: These critters will eat anything. Sometimes they get into something awful - and the stink kicks in! These are exactly as the Common Loach above, except there are 1d3 more. Their odor will cause coughing and eyes to water and some gagging - but no other game effects. They're just... disgusting!!
    
15. Mother of Loach: The shell of this Loach is colorful and shiny - it is simply beautiful. If found intact, it would be worth 1d6 X 100 credits. Even the broken shell would be worth 1d4 X 20 credits. 
    
16. Mother Lode Loach: The shell of this Loach is simply exquisite! Its beauty nearly defies description. If found intact, it would be worth 2d6 X 1000 credits. Even the broken shell would be worth 3d8 X 200 credits.
17. School Loach: Loach are somewhat social, especially if there is food in the area. However, these less than 10 inch long Loach travel in groups. Collectively, a group of Loach are called a Flavor.
    Appearing d16; Init -1; Atk claw -1 melee (1d3); AC 9; HD 1d4; MV 30’; Act 2d20, 1d16; SP infravision 30’; SV Fort -1, Ref +0, Will -1; AL C.
18. Popcorn Loach: These four inch long Loach also travel in Flavors. They are commonly eaten by other Loaches.
    Appearing 2d24; Init -3; Atk claw -2 melee (1d3-2); AC 6; HD 1d3; MV 30’; Act 2d20, 1d16; SP infravision 30’; SV Fort -1, Ref +0, Will -1; AL C.
19. Fatty Loach: This mutation appears naturally. The Loach is simply... fluffier. More meat, more fat. They taste FAR better, sweeter. They are far less effective in combat - but just as aggressive.
    Appearing d6; Init -2; Atk claw -2 melee (1d6); AC 10; HD 1d4; MV 20’; Act 2d16, 1d14; SP infravision 30’; SV Fort -1, Ref +0, Will -1; AL C.
20. Chonky Loach: This mutation is sought out by those that farm Loach. As with the Fatty Loach, these Loaches are even meatier and fattier, thus SUPER tasty. They are practically defenseless.
    Appearing d10; Init -4; Atk claw -4 melee (1d5); AC 8; HD 1d4; MV 10’; Act 2d12, 1d8; SP infravision 30’; SV Fort -1, Ref +0, Will -1; AL C.
21. Double the number of Common Loaches, as listed above.
22. Triple the number of Common Loaches, as listed above.
23. Roll again twice on this table.
24. Roll again thrice on this table.

* Yes, yes, I know a "Loach" is some kinda tropical fish. I know it's a stupid name for a monster. If you can do better, you should start your own blog! 😁